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ehhh... [Jun. 27th, 2005|02:30 am]
[And i feel... | drained]
[what's jammin |Walk Away_ Ben Harper]

The word "Alone" is defined as being without anyone or anything else; solitary

so.... i don't think im quite to that point... but i feel more alone than i have in a long time.


C
O I tried breaking before it was too late...
n But its looking as if that isn't going over too well...
F If only he would understand...
e understand.... that....
S I love him but i am no longer in love....
s with him....
I And it is a bad place to be...
o .... I would never hurt him intentionally....
N But appearently thats how life is...
Thats how love is.....
# It hurts...
1 Like Hell...and you can't do a damn thing about it.
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Its been awhile [Jun. 15th, 2005|12:10 am]
[And i feel... |hurt :-\]
[what's jammin |Farther Down_Matthew Sweet]

well... my dad died 3 years ago today. Well i guess yesterday... I miss him crazy.


everything else seems petty now.... so this will be short
i'm still going out with layne
i'm still missing... him and he wants something else
my family is making an effort to come together but we still struggle
volleyball everymorning at 630 for the rest of the summer
i took the acts and am looking to get a 30 at least
new screen name wildandfierce


I miss my dad something fierce.

byrd
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Trip.Prom.School [Apr. 25th, 2005|12:11 am]
[And i feel... |freaking tired]
[what's jammin |Say Yes_Elliot Smith]

So i went to hawaii for a week and it was pretty amazing, we had a lot of fun and my little brother was finally back to what he use to be before my dad died, kinda happy. Well my sister and i got this bad ass sun poisoning. Its not sun burn but your skin just reacts weird and brakes out in like these hive type things and itches like a bitch... seriously, i have never been so itch in my life, it was probably worst than chicken pox!

we have an absolutely ridiculous travel agent who booked our flight back as a shared flight so instead of going straight to seatle we had to stop in kona which added an extra 2 hours to our very long flight. We got to minneapolis the next day at 12 our time.... so lets figure this... we left maui about 12 am our time ... and got home 12 pm.... wow 12 hours way to long. anyways we stayed at my aunts a bit and my mom had to meet my grandpas 'lady friend' Veronica who is appearently fairly nice. so we left about 12 and got home around 4.... i slept for 4 hours and i had to get up and get my hair done for prrrroooom 8-)

so wanted my hair in a french twist and it took 2 people to do it because i have so much freaking hair... but all in all it worked out. i got ready at sams and then we went to laynes uncles studio (Heckel Creations) and took pictures....
then we went to the falls and took some more... then we went to folleys which was pretty good and then we went to prom which was pretty good too.... and then we went to bens which was also pretty good too and then i came home which was pretty awesome...

and im spent
i just had to write a 6 page paper... and now im done... i dread going to school tomorrow... its going to be absolutetly horrible... yes horrible :(


byrd
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Sick [Apr. 4th, 2005|08:50 pm]
[And i feel... | sick]
[what's jammin |So fucking sweet-howie day]

I don't know if this is normal, but i get actually physically sick when i see my sister. She makes me want to puke. Im aboslutely disgusted by her and if i never saw her again i think i would be quite a bit happier.
...shes not going to be in my wedding or at my wedding

i think its safe to say that i hate her...
and hates a strong word.

on the other hand... im taking drivers ed, and our driving instructor makes me sick haha. he eats and like crumbs fall out of his mouth and he makes weird noises... its disgusting. So i was taking a corner going like 7 and hes like slow down slow down slow down... i was like uhh if i slow down anymore im not going to be moving.
hes an idiot
the test is tomorrow... hopefully i will pass haha... appearently my hands aren't 'perfect' when i turn.. great

i can't wait to go to hawaii... but then again i really don't want to because im going to have to be with hannah...
what a downer
maybe she will just get horribly sick and have to stay in the hotel room the whole time... that would be nice

wow... i have to puke...
ughhhhhh yuck

her face... its like... its like... i don't know. it makes me cringe... and how she talks... and walks.. and acts... and yuck i just want to throw up
on her face...
yeah
that would be nice...


byrd
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what is beautiful? [Mar. 29th, 2005|10:27 pm]
[And i feel... | stressed]
[what's jammin |the wind...]

i had a rough night... a really rough night


but its storming now, well heat lightning at least. and it is suppose to rain. I love rain.
its really beautiful...
hmm... music is beautiful, and well some art, but its mostly natural things... like love, and people, rain, lightning, bugs, flowers, trees, the grass, winter, summer, spring and fall.... there are a lot of beautiful things i guess...
but i don'nt know what they really are...

i don't know anymore



hold me closer,
byrd
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oh yay [Mar. 28th, 2005|10:43 pm]
[And i feel... |chill]
[what's jammin |damien 8-)]

i got my prom dress! and i happen to be super excited.... :) laynes uncle is a photographer so i guess we are going down there to take pictures (his studio) so hopefully they can fix my face on the computer or something...

im taking drivers ed right now... with BRITTANY... and not tim, me and brittany drive first so we can get it over with. appearently we are driving with the nazi of all the teachers... some guy who works at joe foss.. its better than trett though... haha


yeahhh
iv got nothing to say :-\

"and so it is... just like you said it would be, life goes easy on me... most of the time"


byrd
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yaaa [Feb. 27th, 2005|11:15 pm]
[And i feel... | drained]
[what's jammin |hohum.. um nothing :(]

so im pretty pumped, i finally got my membership to mckennan... and im going to work out... and it will be awesome...

yay

hmm i don't want to sleep but i should. really. i should

but ehh


What High School Stereotype are You?
Name / Username 
You are the fashion friendly trendsetter
People think you are smart
You will end up alone in a padded cell
This quiz by Panderbear - Taken 5782 Times.
</a>
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!



so thats pretty sweet
i decided im going to have to shoot for my bachelor in fashion design, if i don't i will regret it the rest of my life, and i can't have that hanging on my shoulders... no i can't

hmmm schooool sucks... but its going by pretty quick... soon it will be summer, and soon i will be happy-er. again. or something

yay were going to hawaii in april
and its right before prom.
thats pretty sweeeet if you ask me
eh
wow i must be pretty boring, i apoligize


night everyone :)

byrd
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hmm tired [Feb. 22nd, 2005|10:56 pm]
[And i feel... | sleepy]
[what's jammin |law and order :-D]

Im tired. very tired. im watching law and order... my favorite show... probably

on friday, me and layne will have been going out for 6 months. insane. i know

i got him something... but its a secret, maybe i will share later....

well uh. like i said im tired

byrd
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ahhhhhh [Feb. 9th, 2005|08:37 pm]
Layne is such a sweet heart :) he shoveled our driveway for my mom..... it was so cute :) today i was mad at him... but then he came over... and i can't stay mad at him, even if i try.

Well im watching project runway... i hate wendy... i really do... shes such a... a ... a... a mom. i dont know. shes annoying, she better get cut

Ryan still isn't eh... responding.. i dont know whats going to happen...

byrd
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What a Night :-D [Feb. 2nd, 2005|09:50 pm]
[And i feel... | ecstatic]
[what's jammin |Tainted Love_Soft Cell]

Wow, i had an awesome night, but i can't really say why.... but it was awesome

So I am trying to reestablish my relationship with ryan, but i don't see it happening in the near future, or maybe ever... But i wish it would. I miss talking to him so much... It sucks losing a friend. I can see why hes not so happy with me, i kind of freaked out on him. But its not like he gave me any time to get over it. I don't know what i am going to do... i want to say so much to him. But i just, i dont know how to say it.

I love you though you hurt me so...

Tainted Love,
Byrd
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On a Day Like Today [Jan. 30th, 2005|05:41 pm]
[And i feel... | contemplative]
[what's jammin |Acoustic #3_The Goo Goo Dolls]

Today is Sunday. You couldn't really see the sun because the clouds covered it. Everything was a dull gray, especially my mind. There is so much to think about right now that it's all jumbled together. I have been sitting here all day trying to pick it apart, but it seems as though none of it is unraveling.

Hannah hates me more than ever. Appearently i am everywhere to her. I can't help it. But i suppose its true. It just happens that we have some of the same friends. eh. I had my birthday party on friday. There were soooo many people there, it was crazy. But i had a lot of fun. Hannah didn't come... and appearently she heard me say something and got really upset. And all of her friends were there.... and i think she cried. Her eyes were all red, and her nose too.

Well... I apoligized to Ryan today... like 15 minutes ago. And then ironically enough he showed up to hang out with hannah. It was quite awkward. I fucking hate all this shit with him. Its kinda like i wish i would have never met him or we were still how we were this summer. I miss having someone to talk to like that. But its gone to shits, wherever that is.

Layne has this problem calling me think... i feel like i call him way more than he calls me. Which makes me think. I am reading the book "He's just not that into you" and its all about these women who write letters to this guy... and all their problems, and he basically says... hes not that into you. Well... One of them was like, he never calls me, i always call him.... and then the guy was like "if a guy likes you, he will call you, its not that he forgets, or hes to lazy, hes just not that into you". Maybe Laynes just not that into me... which is hard to believe with the way he acts. But hey... im dillusional in so many ways i just might not see it.

My head hurts.

I have fallen more in love with the song Fred Jones Part 2. Its so right... for today. Days have songs i think. Everyday there is a song, that just fits. and this one does today...

"he reflects on the day"
"Hes forgotten but not yet gone."

On A Day Like Today,
Byrd
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We use to dance... [Jan. 11th, 2005|04:27 pm]
[And i feel... |just thinking...]
[what's jammin |Winter- Joshua Ridin]

Hey, sorry its been awhile.. im kind of a pile like that.

so i learned something in school the other day! alright isn't actually a word... its all right... crazy. now i feel an idiot, pretty sure i say alright all the time

well my birthday is tomorrow. my "sweet sixteen." im pretty pumped :) I think im going to have a birthday party... with a beach theme... because i miss summer... yeah well that should be fun. I don't think im getting anything, but if i ask my mom for something i bet she will get it for me.

Semester tests are this thursday and friday..... thursday is going to be super easy. Speech, Spanish 2, and Precalc. Friday is going to be killer though... im not going to be able to think... Ap bio, chem (ahhhhh kill me) and acc. english 2. I will be so fried by friday noon.... oh well. next semester i have precalc with layneboy... and uhh drawing... im excited for that to

so i have an awesome song that everyone should probably listen to... Lonelily by Damien rice... pretty amazing if you ask me.. there are a lot of other songs that are pretty amazing though... that one is just on my mind... oh and stay or leave by dave... its been in my head all day... killing me. It was in Ryans profile

I miss ryan. ehhh it will never be the same...

by the way... i like gray...


byrd
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quizzes... quizzes... what what the quizzes [Dec. 25th, 2004|04:59 pm]
[And i feel... |To legit to quit]
[what's jammin |gravity Rides everything_modest mouse]

If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you've made me smile,
I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.


water ballerina
You are a water girl. You are flexable and very
nice. You are quiet so people who don't know
you thnk you are weird or just mean and high
and mighty like. You aren't though. You like
to have a good time and you also just like to
relax and just enjoy the stars.


Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla

your guy is a prep/jock. he is very sporrty, and
can be somewhat of a showoff. yet, his looks
are good., but his personality is an iffy, look
into him more b4 you go out with him.

hmmm... do they know layne... well minus the iffy.. hes awesome :)

Nature
C:

Your Beauty lies
in Nature. Down to earth, laid back and a natural
beauty. You have no need for
make-up or accessories that most others do. In fact
you most likely find them a
nuisance. You are probably a little tom-boyish in
your jeans and tees with a
great love for nature. You probably know more about
plants and animals than most
people and you'd rather spend your times outdoors
and in the sun, independent
and free. You can be a bit distant with people,
preferring the company of
animals over people, which isn't always the best
thing. You can be kind and
sweet, but not many see that side of you as you
often have misunderstandings
with people. You are very go-with-the-flow sort of
person and usually try to
avoid fights even if it means changing your opinion
or belief. Still, you are
you look your best actually without make-up and in
casual clothes. Very few can
say that. Be proud.



Some Things
That Represent You:



Element:
Earth, Wind Animal: Horse Color:
Green, Purple, Earth Tones Song:
The Memory Of Trees by Enya Expression: Cool
Smile



Gemstone:
Emerald Mythological Creature: Fairy, Elf
Planet: Earth
Hair Color: Brown Eye Color:
Bright Green



Quote:
"Horses love me. Cowboys fear me."




Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla


Well that was fun.... Merry christmas everyone :)

I got a digital camera... its pretty coool...
uhhh yeah

it was me and laynes 4 month... :) he got me beyond paradise (perfume), this book that has a bunch of if questions in it, some lotion and his mom gave me this picture thing... oh and some of our formal pictures... they are actually kinda cute :) so you know

well happy holidays kids :)
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Painters.... [Dec. 1st, 2004|07:47 pm]
[And i feel... | aggravated]
[what's jammin |basketball? what... tv?]

I painted a picture yesterday... i think its my favorite painting so far...

laynes here... i think hes mad. he says he might have mono. sad i might have mono. well i better make him quit being a sissy little bitch :)

ta ta
byrd
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and so it goes... [Nov. 24th, 2004|06:07 pm]
thanksgiving is tomorrow... ironically its also me and laynes 3 month... good things hes in minesota..

i painted a picture at hollys today ...
i like it but it almost seems unfinished
thats what i like about painting... you can just keep adding more...

well im sittin here at hollys now... not doing a lot but its all good..

have a happy thanksgiving everyone.
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4th Place [Nov. 21st, 2004|01:26 am]
[And i feel... | tired]
[what's jammin |the hum of my computer]

i just got back from the state tourney in watertown. It was a good time... we got 4th... of 8... which is okay but still pretty gay. we beat aberdeen our first game, then our second game we lost to lincoln and ogorman lost to roosevelt so we played og for 3rd and 4th and lost... lincoln beat roosevelt which was pimp... hey at least we got beat by the state champs... ahh hell what am i talking about... it wasn't us... bummer

weird to say... but i miss layne, he came up to the game on friday and saterday. we lost on friday and the first thing he said to me was "i drove all the way up here and you guys lose?" im like "i dont want to hear it..." and i walked away... woohoo. then i felt back and went and talked to him, i can't help it hes adorable.

well volleyballs over, i might actually have a life... wait scratch that... i wont have a life because sad to say, volleyball is my life... oh well JO starts in like march? (jo is junior olympics, club volleyball) so yeah... only like 4 months or so

Me and laynes 3 month is on thanksgiving... woo hoo longest relationship... ever. arent you proud? i know i am.our 4 month is on christmas... how crazy. i probably wont see him on either.

so i made my christmas list/birthday list

car
i pod
money
clothes

i always make lists... and then i don't get any of it. so its kind of like... mmm wishful thinking
last year my brother had to tell my mom it was my birthday. the only present i got was from ryan and will and bryce and dylan... a goldfish named doctor weiner... it meant a lot... so thanks guys.
and for christmas? i had to buy my own presents... a scarf, two pairs of shoes on sale, and a little bag
the blessed one got a digital camera ( which she lost ) With a printer... to go with it... and a bunch of other stuff... good thing im not even worth that much... dissapointing isn't it. I sound selfish dont i. sorry. i mean im happy im priveliged enough to get anything... but then hannah just gets whatever she wants...

and i wish she would give me a birthday card... or just say happy birthday... on the right day and actually mean it. i know shes busy and all... and i understand... i just think it would kind of mean something. it would for me at least.

enough about that... its like 140 i need to go to bed...
starting now... im going to change... i promise, things are going to be different, for me... for the better.

change isn't always bad

byrd
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dream on... [Nov. 14th, 2004|07:27 pm]
So we did it, were going to state! We were the district champions which was pretty cool... we leave wednesday at 8ish and we practice in the place were going to be playing. Im excited... that were going and that the season is going to be over... but hush i never said that. We made lockersigns tonight... Full length ones. I made alex's and she made mine. and... the one she made me just sucks but its alright, it will be up like 2 days. I was pretty happy with the one i made her.

So yeah... this weekend steves parents were out of time so we chillled there. friday night was cool... nothing horrible happened. Last night though, we went back and these people just walked in... no one knew who they were. So we asked them to leave and they just wouldn't. And then they tried to steal steves parents alcohol were like wow... cool . how rude.

Layne just got here... so mmm peace out! hah

... i wont worry
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Oktoberfest? [Oct. 30th, 2004|11:51 am]
[And i feel... | content]
[what's jammin |Twilight_Vanessa Carlton]

Last night there was a dance at school i didnt go. I stayed home with layne and we watched american beauty. Then.... we went to laynes and fell asleep. I woke up at 8 this morning. and i was suppose to be at ogorman at 8... my bad.

well im going to eat with ryan


Oh yeah im going to be mother nature for halloween... booo ya!
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all i can do is try... [Oct. 18th, 2004|10:14 pm]
[And i feel... | drained]
[what's jammin |iris_goo goo dolls]

good news... my mom finally got me sleeping pills, and they are great. I mean really, i take them... 20 minutes later my eyes don't stay open. I sit there and listen to my heart beat slow down. I don't know what i would do with out them. But its not like im dependent i have only been taking them for a week.

hrm. dont get the wrong idea

So thursday i think im going to the doctor. I have to get my blood drawn to check if i have this blood disease... Oh and i probably have arthritis. It blows... i ache constantly, my dad got it when he was 13... and its somewhat hereditary i believe. So that will be fun. Nothing like taking pills the rest of your life right?

I made a cd for ryan. I owe him, he made me one, and i absolutely love it. I hope he likes it.
Lately we haven't been talking or hanging out as much, it bums me out, i miss him.

well. game tomorrow. Lincoln. it will be a good one.

shit i can't breathe out of my nose.

never is a promise
byrd
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everlong... [Oct. 12th, 2004|04:02 pm]
[And i feel... | pissed off]
[what's jammin |Name_Goo Goo Dolls]

I hate my sister... i shouldn't say hate.... um i want to go in her room when shes sleeping and tattoo 'asshole' on her forehead...

i don't know why she hates me so much. some of the shit she says makes me want to hit her... and we all know who would win the fight. hannah would be on the floor bleeding and i might have a few scratches... shes a gigantic pussy. i love how she starts fights and then i throw something at her she cant take.. and she walks away, saying something along the lines of 'i dont want to talk to you' okay well then dont start a fucking fight and leave me be you stupid bitch

bahhhh

hannah is fake, superficial, immature, self centered, bipolar, and shes not very smart.
she thinks shes better than everyone... like absolutely everyone. She once said, and i quote
" I will never find anyone in siouxfalls... i just know it "

what the fuck is that suppose to mean
she doesnt know half the people....
hell shes going out with one of them. haha who i kissed... eat my shit hannah... heres a spoon.

well in the words of frou frou

Theres beauty in the breakdown

and the beauty you ask? Is that i win. everytime.

but hey...

Let go...

am i right?
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